Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The ramblings of a confused mind (or is it the heart? Hell, am confused!)

Today (could be yesterday, could be last month, could be last year but hoping it is not tomorrow or the day after) I am at that juncture in life, from where I see too many roads ahead of me. Some of these might meet at the other end of the spectrum. Some of these are well-defined and clear while the rest look like they lead beyond the clouds - I can't really see clearly what lies ahead. Frankly, I don't even know what I am hoping to find behind those mysterious clouds. I am not confused as to what to choose, even worse, I don't know what I want. I don't have a list of options. I don't know why at times I just go blank. I don't know why one moment I am the shoulder somebody leans on and unburdens himself and the other moment I am so lost that I don't realize somebody calling out to me.There is no reason for the vacuum. There is no reason for the disconnect. It feels like I don't belong to this universe anymore. The other minute I am back to normalcy - a word that I have never been able to define but pretend to comprehend. Back to the roads - yes, the ones that are mysteriously laid to hold the secret of what lies ahead for I do not care about the ones that are well-defined as I know that those are not the ones I want to go down. Thank God for that bit of clarity! The other roads leading to an alternative career, a change in relationship status, doing something for a cause close to the heart are the ones that are hazy right now. Is it time yet to start walking these roads? Do I need to buy more time to decide what I expect out of life before complicating it further? Is everything time bound in life? What are these invisible chains that hold me down? So many questions but no answers. I am still looking for answers! 

Do we have it in us?

To give up all comforts of our present to chase a dream,
A dream that will bring joy out of the scream.
Do we have it in us?

To do all we desire and think right,
Remove darkness with the light,
Without yielding to fright,
Do we have it in us?

To voice out anger, disagreement or just an opinion,
Giving up the warmth of the blanket of consensus,
Do we have it in us?

To differentiate right from wrong,
Even if we disagree with the throng,
Do we have it in us?

DO WE HAVE IT IN US?